i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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