i wish there were pregnant emoticons
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
