If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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