Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
