Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
