I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
