i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pooping to opera.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
