I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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