Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
