Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
