I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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