I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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