What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am spending my child support on dildos
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize