I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
