Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
