did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
