I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize