FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
