you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
