that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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