can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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