Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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