This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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