You just made me feel so damn special
She is in my trunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
