i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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