She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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