Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
