you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
