Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Randomize
