I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
