Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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