remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
