I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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