I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
