Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm always down for nudity.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
