If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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