Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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