That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
