Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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