what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
