Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
