Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
