I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
