I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
