Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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