Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
