The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
