ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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