Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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