So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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