dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
