Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
