Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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