Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
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My pussy is not your playground.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
as a side note pls kill me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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