I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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