Duck Duck Cougar?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
