So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
