Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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