I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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