Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
