I didn't shave. On purpose
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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