Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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