So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize