I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
