Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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