he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
