just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
