I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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