We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
