remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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