Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
