i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
