did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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