my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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