I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
