There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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