Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
