New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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