Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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