Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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