Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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