Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
