I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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