you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
