dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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