you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
